


Anteros

by chainsawdog



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6226846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chainsawdog/pseuds/chainsawdog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after "Voyage of Temptation"</p>
<p>Anakin Skywalker has some questions for Obi-Wan about the Duchess Satine, but Obi-Wan wants to discuss Anakin's actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anteros

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning for negative self-talk.

“I still can’t believe…” Anakin shook his head. “You and Satine, Obi-Wan?”

  
Obi-Wan pulled a face. They were alone, together, in their room in the Jedi Temple. “Not now, Anakin,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you about… what you did.”

  
“You mean killing Merrik?” Anakin shrugged. He was perched on the arm of their couch, watching Obi-Wan pace the room. Obi-Wan was tidying things, keeping himself busy, and Anakin had guessed this meant he was going to be told off for something. So, naturally, he’d changed the conversation before it started. “It was us or him, Obi-Wan.”

  
“Anakin –”

  
“ _Us_ , Obi-Wan, wasn’t just you and me this time, either. Us was everyone on that ship.”

  
Obi-Wan turned to look at his, crossing his arms. He frowned. “Is that how you justify murder to yourself, Anakin?”

  
This was not the conversation Anakin wanted to be having. He mirrored Obi-Wan’s expression, crossing his arms and frowning. “Us was Satine,” he said quietly. “I heard you, Obi-Wan. ‘Had you said the word, I would have left the Order,’” his frown turned to a scowl. “I can’t believe it.”

  
Obi-Wan’s expression softened, and his shoulders slumped. “I didn’t mean –”

  
“For me to hear that?” Anakin’s voice was deadly quiet now. He could feel his throat closing up with anger, feel the tears he couldn’t cry at the idea Obi-Wan would consider leaving him.

  
“No,” said Obi-Wan. He walked over to Anakin, but kept his distance.

  
_He thinks you’re a monster_ , the thoughts in his head told him. _A murderer. A weapon._

  
“Anakin, I need you to listen to me, for once,” said Obi-Wan. Anakin stared at him, trying to breathe evenly. “I met Satine long before I knew you, you know that. I _told_ you that. I was a Padawan. Qui-Gon was still alive…”

  
Anakin’s lip curled. “I know,” he said, his voice thick.

  
“What is it, Anakin?” Obi-Wan almost moved closer. Almost. Or maybe Anakin was imagining things. Obi-Wan’s tone had changed too, his voice gentle. Like he was speaking to a wild animal. Maybe he was. “What’s bothering you?”

  
Anakin looked away from Obi-Wan, tears burning in his eyes. He closed his eyes, but that didn’t stop them coming, and in a moment he was sobbing, his arms wrapped around himself, trying to keep Obi-Wan from seeing his weakness but failing, failing oh so miserably. He felt Obi-Wan touch his shoulder, and twitched, shrugging off the intended comfort.

  
“Anakin, please,” Obi-Wan actually sounded worried. “Please, talk to me.”

  
“What’s the point?” Anakin said through his tears. He sniffed in loudly, wiping his nose on his sleeve. His eyes were already puffy, and he had to breathe through his mouth. “You don’t listen, you just – you just dismiss me and dismiss me and make a joke of everything.”

  
He felt Obi-Wan grip his shoulders, firmly, but not painfully, and opened his eyes to look at the other man. He wished he had never noticed how beautiful those eyes were. “I… I’m sorry that you feel that way, Anakin,” said Obi-Wan. “That’s never what I intended.”

  
Anakin hung his head. Obi-Wan pulled Anakin forward into a hug, and Anakin let him, leaning his head against Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I’ll listen,” he said. “If you talk to me, I’ll listen.”

  
“You would have left me for her,” Anakin tried not to sound petulant, but it was hard to talk and cry. “You would have abandoned me if she told you to. Wouldn’t you?”

  
Obi-Wan remained silent, but his arms tightened around Anakin. Anakin gripped the front of Obi-Wan’s tunic and let out a shaky sob. Then he was crying in earnest. “Of course you’d leave me,” he said. “Of course you would. Who would want to stay with me?”

  
“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said softly. “No, no, I won’t leave you. I…”

  
“Everyone leaves, Obi-Wan, everyone, they leave or they die and I can’t do anything to stop them.”

  
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan held Anakin close. “I won’t leave you.”

  
Anakin pulled back to look at Obi-Wan’s face. “You can’t know that,” he said. “You could die, Obi-Wan, I can’t let that happen.”

  
“Anakin, death is the –”

  
“Natural order of things?” Anakin finished. He hiccupped, still crying, and said, “That’s why Jedi can’t get attached, because we can change things, can’t we? We can stop death.” His face was contorted with rage, and his hands were shaking. Inside, he felt a storm, blood and rage and fear cascading in a vicious symphony.

  
Obi-Wan took a step back, letting go of Anakin. “We can’t,” he said softly. He shook his head. “We can’t stop death, Anakin.”

  
“You’re lying!” Anakin snapped.

  
“What has gotten into you, Anakin?” Obi-Wan was using his disappointed-not-angry voice.

  
There was a pause. Then, “Mom died, Obi-Wan,” Anakin had stopped crying, and his face was almost blank now. In his mind, he knew that Obi-Wan was afraid of him, of these wild moods, but there was nothing he could do about them. “Mom died and I killed them. All of them.”

  
“You’re not making sense,” said Obi-Wan. “Your mother – Shmi?”

  
Anakin nodded. “She died,” he said again. “When – a few years ago, when you were on Geonosis. Mom died. And I killed them all.”

  
“Anakin, who did you kill?”

  
Anakin looked Obi-Wan in the eyes, and said, “All of them. All the Tusken Raiders. They… they had taken her. Tortured her. She died when I found her and I killed every last one of them.”

  
There was silence. Anakin watched Obi-Wan, felt for him in the Force, but couldn’t tell what the other man was thinking. His mind filled in the blanks; _monster, monster, monster. He can’t even look at you. He hates you, he hates you, he hates you._

  
When Obi-Wan did speak, Anakin nearly jumped out of his skin. He’d tuned out in the silence, and Obi-Wan brought him back to the moment. “I didn’t know,” he said. “You… you told me about your dreams, your fear for her, and I didn’t think…”

  
Anakin looked at him, numbly registering his surprise.

  
“You don’t hate me,” he said flatly.

  
Obi-Wan frowned in confusion. “No,” he said. “No, Anakin, I don’t hate you. I… I could never hate you.”

  
“You don’t hate me.”

  
Obi-Wan took a step forward, and reached out to put his hand on Anakin’s right shoulder. Anakin put his left hand over Obi-Wan’s. He looked at it for a moment, wondering why their hands felt so warm. When he looked back at Obi-Wan, he realised the other man had been talking.

  
“… train you,” he was saying. “I made that promise to Qui-Gon, on Naboo. I meant it. And, Anakin, now… I cannot imagine my life without you.” His hand moved from Anakin’s shoulder to his cheek. Anakin leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.

  
“You don’t hate me.”

  
“Of course I don’t,” Obi-Wan said. “Of course I don’t.”

  
“I love you, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said. He felt this time Obi-Wan’s reaction in the force, the shock that ran through the man. Anakin thought back. Surely he had told Obi-Wan this before, that he loved him, surely. He told Padmé as often as he could. He wished he could tell Ahsoka, he wished he could say it at least once more to Shmi. He didn’t know if he had ever said the words to Obi-Wan. Maybe he had been afraid of Obi-Wan’s reaction. Saying the words had sent a thrill of fear through him, penetrating the numb shell that had settled on him when he thought about Shmi.

  
Obi-Wan was silent. Anakin looked at him carefully, trying to gauge how he was feeling beyond the shock. “Obi-Wan?” he said gently. “Do… do you love me?”

  
“I… shouldn’t,” Obi-Wan whispered, backing away. “No, I can’t. Anakin, I can’t.”

  
“You can’t?” Anakin tried to tell himself Obi-Wan was a Jedi, and that he was doing the logical thing, and Anakin was in the wrong – but that spiraled quickly into _monster, manipulator, you’re driving him away, he’s afraid of you._

  
Obi-Wan looked Anakin in the eyes, and said, “I’m a Jedi, Anakin. I’m not supposed to love.”

  
“You’re not saying you don’t love me, Obi-Wan,” Anakin pressed. “You’re saying you can’t. Please,” the tears were threatening him again. “Please, just once, tell me. Tell me the truth. Do you love me, Obi-Wan?”

  
Obi-Wan sat down on the floor. “Anakin, don’t ask this of me,” he said quietly. His voice cracked on Anakin’s name.

  
“You would for her,” Anakin whispered. He stood up, moved to Obi-Wan’s side, dropped to his knees beside him. He took hold of Obi-Wan’s hands, squeezed them, then, heart in his throat, every sense on fire, he brushed his lips against the knuckles of Obi-Wan’s left hand. It almost felt like an electric shock, and Obi-Wan jolted, looking at Anakin with wide eyes.

  
“No,” he said. “I never said those words to her.”

  
Anakin sat on his haunches, holding tight to Obi-Wan, rubbing his thumb across the back of Obi-Wan’s hand. He studied Obi-Wan, looking at the sweep of his hair, the mole on his forehead, the bristles of his beard, the soft curve of his lips, the hollow of his throat… He took a deep breath in, and forced himself to look Obi-Wan in the eyes. His grey-blue eyes, so expressive, shining now with fear and… anticipation?

  
Anakin moved forward, so that his forehead was nearly touching Obi-Wan’s. His voice breathy, he whispered, “Tell me, just once, tell me.”

  
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. In a voice so quiet Anakin almost didn’t hear him, he said, “Anakin Skywalker. I love you.”

  
Anakin felt a heat rush through him, his throat tight with emotion, his skin raw, his nerves standing on end. His hands holding Obi-Wan’s felt both full of life and forbidden, and he ran his left hand up Obi-Wan’s arm, resting it on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Tears rolled down his cheeks. His skin twitched as Obi-Wan put his right arm on Anakin’s upper back, clutching his tunic.

  
“I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, I love you so much,” Anakin said, clutching Obi-Wan’s shoulder. He rested his forehead against Obi-Wan’s, his nose brushing the bridge of Obi-Wan’s, his lips parting slightly, but he didn’t make another move.

  
“There’s… uh… something else I have to tell you,” Anakin said, after a moment.

  
They let go of one another, Anakin sitting again on his haunches, looking sheepish. He was studying his own hands now, not meeting Obi-Wan’s eyes.

  
“Anakin, what did you do?”

  
Anakin’s mouth briefly quirked in a smile. “I kind of got married,” he said.

  
Obi-Wan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You what?”

  
He grinned. “Yeah,” he said. “I married Padmé. On Naboo. It was… I was really happy, Obi-Wan. I love her like I love you,” he looked at Obi-Wan from beneath his eyelashes. “I haven’t told her. About how I feel. For you.”

  
“Why am I not surprised?” said Obi-Wan. He shook his head. “I’m sure it’ll be a nonissue,” he sat forward. “You really are not like other Jedi.”

  
Anakin’s smile disappeared. “What do you mean?”

  
“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” Obi-Wan said quickly. “You’re a good warrior, Anakin, and a good friend. You just aren’t an ideal Jedi, and… that’s okay.”

  
“I’m supposed to be,” said Anakin, his voice rough. “I’m supposed to be the perfect Jedi.”

  
“I’m glad you’re not,” said Obi-Wan. It was his turn to move to Anakin’s side, to take hold of Anakin’s hand. “I wouldn’t enjoy your company half as much if you were.”

  
Anakin rested his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “You mean it?” he asked.

  
Obi-Wan nodded.

  
“I love you,” Anakin said. “I will never not love you.”

  
“I think we should tell Padmé,” said Obi-Wan. 

 

***

Anakin’s heart was racing on the way to Padmé’s apartments, and Obi-Wan had chosen to drive, so he had nothing to distract himself from the noise in his head. He was clenching and unclenching his fists, tapping his foot, picking at his skin.

  
When they landed, he was out of the speeder almost instantly, jittery and close to running. Obi-Wan walked calmly around the speeder, and then took hold of Anakin’s hand. “You’re okay,” he said. “I’m with you.”

  
“I don’t know if I’m excited or nervous, Obi-Wan,” Anakin confessed, squeezing Obi-Wan’s hand gently. “I don’t know how Padmé’s going to react, and I think I’m scared she’ll hate me, but I don’t think she will hate me, I haven’t _done_ anything for her to hate me for.”

  
“You could talk the ears off a Gundark, Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied. “Take a deep breath. You will be fine. I’m with you. Padmé… I’m sure she knows you well enough to understand.”

  
“I hope so,” said Anakin. He frowned, stopped walking. “Do you think we should tell Ahsoka?”

  
“What’s there to tell her?” Obi-Wan said lightly. “We haven’t done anything.”

  
“But, she loves Padmé too,” he replied. Obi-Wan managed to tug him along, starting towards Padmé’s apartments again. “We could be a proper family, Obi-Wan, wouldn’t you like that?”

  
“I have a family, Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s voice was calm. “It’s the Order.”

  
Anakin looked at him levelly, and said, “They aren’t my family. Not like you are. Not like Padmé is. Not how Ahsoka is.”

  
Obi-Wan stopped walking, let go of Anakin’s hand. “I won’t choose between you and the Order, Anakin.”

  
“I’m not asking you to,” said Anakin. “I’m not asking that.”

  
“It sounds like you are.”

  
“I wouldn’t. You can be a Jedi and be our family,” Anakin said. “You three are the closest thing I have to family. I want to let Ahsoka know that, too.”

  
“I’ll think about it, Anakin,” said Obi-Wan. “She’s still your Padawan. She shouldn’t be put in a position where she feels like she has to choose between the Jedi Order and, well, you.”

  
Anakin clenched his jaw, but kept his retort to himself. Obi-Wan was right. It stung, but he was right. Anakin couldn’t let his impulsiveness hurt Ahsoka.

  
“Okay,” he said. “Okay. We tell Padmé,” he started walking again, and took hold of Obi-Wan’s hand, bringing him along. “What do we tell her exactly? That we’re in love? That… Obi-Wan, are you my boyfriend?”

  
Obi-Wan laughed, and Anakin grinned. “I don’t know,” he said. “Honestly, Anakin, I don’t know. But I know that Padmé needs to know.”

  
“That you love me,” said Anakin.

  
Obi-Wan smiled fondly. “That I love you.”

  
“Doesn’t it feel good to say?”

  
“I still feel guilty.”

  
Anakin bumped Obi-Wan gently with his shoulder. “That will probably pass. With practice.”

 

***

Outside Padmé’s apartments, Anakin froze. “You have to knock,” he said. “I don’t know if I can.” He let go of Obi-Wan’s hand and let the other man knock on Padmé’s door.

  
She was in a night robe when she opened the door, a deep red gown that cascaded over her shoulders and down her body, ending in a hem a few inches above her ankles. Her hair was loosely bound in a tail. When she saw Anakin, she smiled, but the smile changed to a guarded expression when she saw Obi-Wan.

  
“Is something the matter?” she asked.

  
“May we come in?” said Obi-Wan. Padmé glanced at Anakin, and nodded. Obi-Wan walked past her, and Anakin lingered in the doorway.

  
“It’s been a while,” he said gently. “It’s good to see you.”

  
Padmé’s beautiful brown eyes widened, and she darted a look at Obi-Wan, who had made himself at home on her couch.

  
“It’s okay,” Anakin said, taking Padmé’s hand in his own. With his right hand, he brushed her cheek with his robotic fingers, feeling the sensation of her soft skin through a network of finely tuned wires connected to his nerves. “He knows.” He dipped his head to kiss her, putting his left hand on the small of her back. She smelled like his memories of Naboo, of grass, and sunshine, and waterfalls. When he pulled back, she was smiling.

  
“You told Obi-Wan about us?” she asked. He nodded.

  
She stood on her tip toes to kiss him gently.

  
“Are you two planning on telling the Galaxy?” Obi-Wan called from the living room.

  
Anakin laughed, and Padmé smiled, turning to say, “What’s so urgent that you need the both of us inside?”

  
Anakin followed Padmé into the apartment, closing the door behind them. “We do have to tell you something, Padmé.”

  
She looked between them, from Obi-Wan to Anakin, and said, “Oh.” Her smile had faded. “I’ll… fix some drinks. What would you like?”

  
“Whatever you’re having,” Obi-Wan said.

  
Padmé smiled wryly. “Corellian whiskey on the rocks?”

  
Obi-Wan shrugged with one shoulder. “If that’s what you’re drinking.”

  
“Ani?”

  
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, then to Padmé. “Uh… the same? Do you want a hand?”

  
Padmé shook her head. She left them in the room together while she went into the kitchen. Anakin stayed standing, not speaking to Obi-Wan, who was still seated on the couch. When Padmé returned with their drinks, she set them all on the table, and sat down across from Obi-Wan. Anakin took his drink, but didn’t sit down.

  
“So,” said Padmé. She took a gulp of her whiskey, and sighed. “I suppose you’re here to tell me that we can’t see each other.” She looked at Obi-Wan as she spoke, and Anakin could hear the flint in her voice. “He’s my husband, you know. You can’t just –”

  
“That’s not why we’re here,” said Obi-Wan. Anakin recognised that voice – his negotiator voice. “Padmé, I haven’t told anyone. Anakin only told me about you two tonight. He told me after he told me…”

  
There was a pause. Padmé watched Obi-Wan closely.

  
“That I love him,” Anakin finished softly.

  
Padmé looked at him, and smiled. “Ah,” she said. “Of course.”

  
“I love you both,” Anakin said, rushing over to Padmé to kneel next to her. “I’m not leaving you, Padmé, I’m not, I still love you so much, I –”

  
She put a hand on his cheek and he stopped talking. “I know you do, Anakin. I love you too.”

  
“So… you’re not mad?”

  
Her smile was small, and a little sad, but it was a smile. “I knew,” she said.

  
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. “How?”

  
Padmé looked at him, and said, “Ani feels everything so strongly. Of course he loves you.” She looked back at Anakin, and said, “I am a little jealous of all the time you two get to spend together.”

  
“It’s mostly on the battlefield,” Obi-Wan supplied. “And… well… neither of us…”

  
“Well, then, I’ll be more jealous the next time the two of you are shipped off,” Padmé said with a grin. She finished her drink, then looked at her glass. “I thought you were here for bad news,” she admitted. “I didn’t realise… well, I thought you were here to try and take Ani away from me.”

  
“I won’t leave you, Padmé. Not ever.”

  
“You can sit on the couch, Anakin,” she said. He did, sitting next to her, hands around his drink. He’d barely tasted it. Obi-Wan had finished his. “This might… take a little while to get used to,” Padmé said.

  
“And a lot of communication,” Obi-Wan added. Padmé looked at him, and nodded.

  
“I love you both,” Anakin said. He didn’t know how many times he’d said those words in that night alone, but he was glad he was saying them. “I love you both more than anything.”

  
Obi-Wan said, “I know,” and Padmé said, “I love you too, Ani.”

  
“Oh!” said Anakin, standing up. He placed his drink on the table, and walked over to Obi-Wan. “That means I can do this,” he said, and took hold of Obi-Wan’s shoulders and kissed him roughly on the lips. Obi-Wan’s eyes widened in surprise, then closed, as he leaned into the kiss, clutching Anakin’s hair with his right hand.

  
Padmé coughed loudly, and while Anakin turned from the kiss to look at her, Obi-Wan seemed frozen in place.

  
“I am right here,” Padmé said sternly.

  
“Well, you _could_ be right _here_ ,” Anakin said with a cheeky grin. Padmé laughed, and walked over to them, kissing Anakin hungrily and turning his full attention back to her. She pushed him onto the couch, and he fell down next to Obi-Wan. She curled up next to him, settling herself in the crook of his arm, and placed her hand on his chest. Her other hand played with his hair. Obi-Wan leaned against him, too, and Anakin put his other arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders.

  
“We still need to talk about what you did to Merrik,” Obi-Wan said, but he didn’t sound too convinced.

  
“Later, Obi-Wan,” said Anakin. “You can tell me off later.”

  
“Merrik?” Padmé asked, raising an eyebrow.

  
“If you want to do this here, Obi-Wan, I get to tell Padmé about Satine.”

  
“Satine?” Padmé echoed. There was humour in her voice as she clarified. “The Duchess of Mandalore Satine?” She smiled up at Anakin, and then at Obi-Wan. “Well, I’ve got all night to listen to this story, if that’s what you two want.”

  
Anakin sighed. “I don’t really want to talk right now,” he said. “About anything.”

  
Padmé snuggled in closer and said, “That’s fine with me.”

  
Obi-Wan took hold of Anakin’s left hand and said, “But we _will_ talk later.”

  
Anakin smiled, and turned his head to kiss Obi-Wan on the forehead. “Of course,” he said.


End file.
